Hey you lovelies ❤
I hope you’re all doing well and enjoying the last bursts of summer before the best season arrives! Today I thought I would basically use this post as a bit of release for my own brain, it is something that has been on my mind for a while now and I wanted to write it down in the hopes that it speaks to someone and maybe even helps someone out of a situation if they need it!
I feel like over the past 18 months I have really developed my own sense of what I want from any and all relationships in my life. I have developed more self-confidence and become more aware of what is happening in my life and if I actually like what those things are. I have also put in a lot of effort, time, tears and work into improving my mental health, tackling my anxiety and reduced the amount of stress in my life. In doing those things, I have become hyper-aware of relationships I have in my life. I am more aware of which relationships make me happy, make me feel all warm, fuzzy, loved and important.. and what relationships do not.
This might sound harsh to some, but ultimately you have one life to live, and why would you want people who make you feel down on yourself, self-conscious, uncomfortable, unhappy or inadequate?
So, in light of that, here are the 5 things I tend to look out for. I am not saying if you spot one of these things once you should ditch friendships, I am saying if you consistently see these behaviours and traits, have discussed them with the person and they don’t adjust or change.. maybe consider why you want them in your life. Your happiness comes first, it isn’t selfish or self-centred to want to be happy in your life.
When it comes to contacting your friends, or anyone in your life, you need to ensure you are both contacting each other. If you are always the one contacting them and awaiting their response, if it ever comes, then the relationship isn’t worthwhile in my opinion. If someone cared about you, cared about your life and what you’ve been up to they would contact you to check in. If you are constantly the one contacting them I would say you need to think about if that is what you want from a relationship, and if it isn’t, maybe consider walking away from that person, especially if you have mentioned this to them and they still haven’t changed their behaviour. Everyone has access to a mobile device these days, and 90% of people you know have it on them or near them 24/7. There are no excuses for not reaching out to you or not responding for days/weeks/months.
Do you find that you are always the one making plans with your friend, and they never make plans with you? Do you find that they cancel last minute and don’t try and rearrange for another date or time? If this is consistent behaviour, then they clearly do not want to spend time with you. This is a hard one to swallow, trust me, but it is a reality and the sooner you spot this behaviour the better. I have had SO MANY experiences of this from one person I had in my life over the past however many years, and it’s hard to come to terms with, but if they don’t want to spend time with you then why bother trying to see them? They obviously aren’t really worth your time if all they want to do is cancel on you last minute, fill your time with people who matter to you, make you feel happy, content, relaxed and loved. Forget people who ditch and forget you!
Do you have anyone in your life that when their name pops up on your phone screen your stomach drops? Or you automatically roll your eyes, feel dread or sadness? Unless you have recently had a disagreement and you’re working through it, then that is the type of person you need to shuffle away from you. Why spend time with anyone who makes you feel down, sad, lonely, uninteresting or unworthy? You are beyond worthy, so keep telling yourself that. Surround yourself with people who care about you, make you happy, make you smile, feel loved and feel wanted. You don’t need people around you who make you feel like rubbish, it isn’t worth your time or energy.
Have you ever been going through some shit times and felt like if you told a specific friend they would dismiss it, turn it into a chat about them or make your issues feel insignificant? Have you ever felt like you couldn’t open up to a friend about any of your insecurities or anything that has hurt you or made you sad, for fear of them not caring or pushing it away and changing the subject?
That person isn’t really your friend, which is hard to hear, but unless they openly say they can’t offer much help as they haven’t experienced the situation themselves, or at least let you vent to them openly without anything backfiring.. then they ultimately probably don’t care. They are not being a support network that you need from people in your life. Everyone has varying levels of support from different people, which is fine, but if you find that one person in your life dismisses, doesn’t care, changes the subject or ignores your issues and problems without offering any form of support… I would move away from that person. You need a support network, no matter what level of support, you need it.
Do you find yourself feeling like a 14 year old around certain people? Do you ever feel like you can’t 100% be yourself from fear of being judged, ridiculed or pushed aside? Do you have anyone in your life who tells you to not act a certain way? Do you have some friends that don’t know boundaries of jokes that they make, and they ultimately hurt your feelings without any regard towards you?
Ultimately, if someone makes you feel that way then I would say that you don’t need that person around. You can’t have a true friendship or relationship with someone you have to censor yourself around. You need to be able to be you around people in your life, to have your personality shine and have people around you encouraging that as well. A true friend will love you for all of your quirks and praise you for those, if you have someone who tries to dull you down then you maybe need to consider what else they give you, and if you struggle to find things then maybe consider walking away from that person.
Over the past 18 months I definitely think I have grown a lot and one of the main things I have focused on is spending time with people that matter to me and that I care about and moving away from others. I think self-care is important, and if that means moving away from people who don’t make me feel happy, loved and comfortable then so be it. I am so thankful for the friends I have in my life at the moment and I am beyond glad I started standing up for my own happiness for the first time in a very long time.
I hope this will help some of you to maybe reflect on your own relationships, or even just help you see what relationships are worth your time and what relationships aren’t as worthwhile. Your happiness needs to come first in your own life ❤
Lots of love & talk soon,