After seeing all of the marches and support from around the world to create more equality and the huge movement of the #MeToo stories, I thought I would share one story from one night. This happened to me, and many other things have happened that would take too long to write, but here is the tip of the iceberg for you. This is what is wrong with our society, and why things should change.
So here we go.
I was out with my university friend, her boyfriend and some of his friends. This night started as any other would, I was with my friends having a laugh, having some drinks and generally enjoying myself.
We then decided to change venues to another club. This is where the issues started as I saw a guy I had met whilst I was in my third year, so around four years ago now, who I knew was out spoken & arrogant. I knew he would approach me and say or do something as he has done on other occasions.
As a bit of background, this guy is very demanding, very arrogant and has the opinion that is it a priviledge to be in his presence and for him to be talking to you and not other girls. This is the case of some men, but not all men. I know that as well as every other human. I am not generalizing, I am talking about this one guy.
He is the type who would message you whilst knowing you’re in a relationship and proceed to antagonize me by saying I am ‘boring’ and ‘frigid’ for not wanting to cheat on my significant other. That I had ‘changed’ since I had gotten into a relationship and that I was a ‘bitch’ or a ‘slut’ for not wanting to be anywhere near him. How that makes me a slut I will never know but, hey, mad world.
So anyway, back to the present, I was in the club buying some drinks with my friend and we headed to the dance floor. This guy and his mate were dancing nearby and they seemed to be chatting to and dancing with some girls so, in my mind, I was like ‘thank fuck, this means he wont come near me’.
I headed outside to the smoking area and started to check social media, as you do when you’re alone, and I noticed this guy coming outside too with his mate. He proceeded to wander over to me and say hello. I said hi and he proceeded to tell me that I was a ‘dick’ for not replying to him, a ‘slut’ for having a boyfriend and generally I was a horrible person.
As I walked back inside him and his friend followed me in and the guy I kinda knew followed me to the bar and continued the insults. I ignored him, bought my drink and went to find my friends.
I was happily dancing away with no idea where this guy was until my friend asked me who the guy was that was staring at me, I turned around to see this guy standing, drinking a drink leaning against a podium and staring at me as I danced. As you can imagine, I didn’t enjoy this. It made me feel awkward. It made me feel intimidated.
He proceeded to follow me around the club, no matter where I went I would look around and he would be there. Creepy, I know. Fucked up? Yeah. Just a bit.
It was nearing the end of the night and my friend was gathering her boyfriend and his friends so I said I would meet her outside. I was waiting just outside the doors and this guy, surprise surprise, was right there waiting for me. YAY.
He asked me if I wanted to go home with him, I replied no. He asked why, I said I was
1. in a relationship and
2. would rather stab my eyes out with a rusty spoon than be anywhere near him, if he hadn’t noticed from our past encounters.
3. why do I need a reason at all? I said no. It means no.
He then proceeded to say:
‘You’re such a bitch, you never used to be so cold towards everyone. You used to be so much fun and now you’re so boring. People would love to go home with me, why are you so frigid? People will never love you if you’re this frigid. You’re such a slut, do you know that? I know you want to get with me.’
To all men, women and everyone else who thinks they can treat someone like this, talk to someone like this or take it upon yourselves to judge people for their choices with their own body or try and intimidate someone to do something they don’t want: fuck off. Why does someone being in a relationship make them frigid? Or a slut? No one is ever frigid or a slut. Whether they’re in a relationship or not.
Every single person on this planet has the right to make their own decisions, say no to whatever and whoever they want and not take any shit from people who are arrogant and think it would be some kind of divine right to be anywhere near them.
Also, to the majority of people who seem to think they can judge someone for their own personal choices when it comes to sex, feel the need to insult them or try and start an argument. Grow up and please enter this century. Everyone has the right to do what they want with their body, choose what to do with their time and be whoever they want to be. You do not have any right to judge or insult people for those choices. It is their life, their body and their choice. Remember that.
I am fed up of hearing females being called sluts, whores, bitches, frigid or any other name you can imagine for saying either ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to someone. WHY. Guys never get that. Guys get high fived whenever they get with a girl, and get encouraged by their mates to be arseholes because ‘girls love arseholes’.
Why is this now our society? What happened to mutual respect? To people being able to make their own choices without the backlash of insults from others around them? Or have to deal with someone disrespecting them and treating them like dirt to impress their mates and become one of the gang? I do not understand. I do not understand why being a horrible person makes you better and makes you fit in.. why is this a culture we have accepted and, even more terrifyingly, created? It needs to change. We need to learn respect. We need to learn the difference between yes and no. We need to understand that no means no, it does not mean yes in any way, shape or form.
I think, from now on, we need to accept peoples decisions as they are. They are, ultimately, down to the individual. Why do we feel the need to judge and tear people down for choices that we have all made in the past, or will make in the future?
It’s time we start building each other up and stick a middle finger up to people who decide its their divine right to judge you for no reason at all.
Do what you want, as long as you are happy and you’re not harming others in the process, go for it. Live your life and say ‘fuck you’ to anyone who tells you that you can’t.
Male, female, who cares? Live for you, fight back and tell people like the guy who insulted and intimidated me that they will be forever alone, because they will if they continue to act like that. That is a fact.